Najib Should Shave for Change

As we celebrate a month of Malaysia being cuddled in the safe, warm embrace of Dato’ Seri Najib Tun Razak (or dry and secure under the umbrella, whichever brand of imagery makes you heart flutter), I was prompted to take a look back into our long, glorious line of Prime Ministers (Tun Mahathir and maybe the other four), and realised that for our Dear Leader to succeed in bringing about the change we need and can believe in, he must shave off his moustache.

Greatness shining through even with a moustache

For starters, I’m sure the PM’s father would’ve imparted his wisdom clearly on him. And if Tun Razak was alive today and had a moustache, he would shave it. Why? Well, the second PM came to power to fix the situation the weak and ineffectual Tunku Abdul Rahman had created, namely having a weak government after the 1969 election which had to contend with opposing views. But the key point is that the Tunku HAD A MOUSTACHE. Tun Razak on the other hand, was clean shaven, and he took care of things damned well didn’t he? The NEP wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without this man and the clean-shaved mouth the great ideas that came to be expressed with it.

Left: Hopeless and unshaved. Right: Vigilant and wise men shave

Then came Tun Hussein Onn, who maintained Tun Razak’s ideas and got himself his own ‘Bapa’ title, which I can’t recall. This man had the great task of holding 800 delinquents in Kamunting from endangering the rest of us and he had the smarts to appoint the great Tun Mahathir his deputy. And HE was clean-shaven.

Stern shaven face

Finally, Tun Mahathir was given a chance to lead our nation, not weighed down by any onerous and superfluous moustache. He gave us Proton, and some other stuff! He hired two good assistants, Musa Hitam and Ghaffar Baba. Both clean-shaven. It may be that with less time spent grooming a moustache, one has more time to come up with original ideas or learn from the economic policies of Koreans.

Shaved goodness

Capable assistants unburdened with facial hair

Then trouble came. And a big trouble it was – the moustachioed Anwar Ibrahim, who was so sloppy and arrogant he even had a goatee! This hairy-faced man then went on to challenge his caring mentor, the same one who nurtured his talent and aided his rise through UMNO. Perhaps the Tun would’ve helped Anwar on his baby steps better if he had taught him to shave. We all know what happened next. Two men with facial hair tried to destroy our country after Tun Mahathir left – Anwar and Pak Lah. One can occasionally see Khairy Jamaluddin with unshaved residue as well.

Evil bearded man

Evil bearded men

If you look on the Pemuda UMNO website (http://www.pemudaumno.org.my) and check out its ‘sejarah’ section, you would see the blatant idolising of Anwar. Some choice snippets:-

“Masih saya ingat lagi suasana muram yang menyelubungi seluruh perwakilan dari 144 bahagian Pergerakan Pemuda UMNO sewaktu saudara Anwar Ibrahim menyatakan pendiriannya untuk meletakkan jawatan sebagai Ketua Pemuda Pergerakan Pemuda UMNO”

“Saudara Nazri Tan Sri Aziz Yeop … terpaksa tunduk menahan sebak di dada, dan dari jauh lagi terlihat linangan air matanya menandakan kesedihan yang teramat sangat kerana terpaksa berpisah dengan Saudara Anwar Ibrahim.”

“Tengku Adnan Tengku Mansur, berkali-kali melahirkan kata-kata dalam sendu yang tertahan-tahan”

It is perhaps indicative of Anwar’s bearded influence on the young UMNO members who served under him in the Pemuda movement that we now have a bunch of leaders with facial hair – the PM, the Deputy PM, Nazri Aziz, Hishammudin Tun Hussein etc.

Greatness shining through even with a moustache

We must change!

Even Zahid Hamidi has shaven that moustache off, in a great sign of loyalty to UMNO and to shake off the Anwarista plague he had before he was properly educated and enlightened.

So to our dear PM, I sincerely hope you can see that, a nice, clean shave is precisely the change our country needs. Some may call it merely cosmetic, but you must denounce these critics, for they, as we usually say, “tidak ingat sejarah”.